by Juliet Parlette
Anyone working with teens right now can see the alarming uptick in mental health issues. As swim coaches, spending more time with our athletes than their parents, we not only see this increase but also the effects it has on every aspect of swimming, and sometimes we feel helpless to manage it. I do not think we realize that what we do every day can not only help mental health among our athletes, but create a place where they feel supported.
I grew up in the 80s. Mental health issues were taboo, not something you had, and certainly nothing you shared. All my swim coaches adhered to that philosophy; any mental health problems could be solved by a solid set of 100s butterfly. I think a lot of us still try to hold onto the ideals of this method; we want our girls to be strong and learn how to manage the struggle. To not wilt at any challenge. For the first 20 years of my coaching career, we just coached swimming and expected mental toughness. If it wasn’t there, we never considered it to be our problem to deal with. We assumed that parents would handle anything not swimming related.
Then, as we realized that sometimes we needed to play the part of a parent, the pendulum swung the other way. There was a time when our swimmers’ feelings were all we cared about. And, as a result we missed opportunities to develop tenacity and build character. We were coddling instead of doing our job: to develop strong swimmers that can handle adversity with confidence. Now, I see that, if I want a strong culture of healthy swimmers, I have to balance the two.
There is a distinct difference between coddling and supporting. Walking that line can be tricky and looks different for everyone. One swimmer may need tough love to get through a crisis; another may need a hug and time alone. Our jobs as coaches require a heightened intuition to manage these situations. Even if we think it is not our job; it is. If we care about buy-in and want our athletes to trust us, we have to know our athletes in and out of the water. Their mental health may depend on it. The culture of our program definitely depends on it.
There are some strategies I have employed to survey the mental health of my girls. One is “people watching” on deck – watching as they enter the pool area, on the wall, and during meets. It is extremely informative. If a swimmer comes in and does not talk to her lanemates, or is staring off into space in between sets, it catches my eye. This information gathering is a powerful tool. Then, when a girl comes to me with an issue I am a little prepared. If I think it warrants a mental health check, she may balk. I often will point to the team, and say if you choose any 5 girls on this team, at least one of them has seen a therapist. It is not an exaggeration. In fact, sometimes I wonder if I could actually change that number to 3. My team comes from a variety of backgrounds but no one seems to be immune to a mental health crisis here and there.
I have a few things in place that have enabled me to better support all my swimmers, but especially the ones struggling with mental health. First, I am transparent about my own mental health struggles and talk candidly about what has helped. I also, with his permission, talk about my younger son – an AP student and talented swimmer – and his struggle with ADHD. Team meetings are not intended to be a show and tell for mental health issues, but bringing it up as if it is no big deal sends a message that it is ok to have it and ok to talk about it. The impact of normalizing these things is powerful.
Another strategy involves building a community. By the end of the first week, every swimmer is assigned a sister swimmer; I pair younger/newer swimmers with older/veteran swimmers so everyone has a point person if they need anything. I tell them that their lanemates are their sisters and the team is their family, and I work to make sure they have opportunities to bond. Lots of opportunities. It is a delight to see the effects of this in big and small ways. They are reminded that on this team no one sits alone, that here they are safe to show kindness – it is way cooler than being mean. Every swimmer and diver counts; no one is more important than anyone else.
We model that as coaches day in and day out, by honoring every girl’s needs and strengths she brings to the team, no matter how fast a swimmer she is.
This community we build has its standards. I insist on excellent manners wherever we go (thank the host parent, thank the bus driver, etc) and live by the campfire rule (leave a place better than you found it). Our team is proud of these standards; the older ones inevitably become guardians of the team culture, and in turn teach that to our newer swimmers. I strongly feel that teenagers want and value parameters. They want to know what they can and cannot do; setting very specific expectations gives them a sense of peace and stability. And that enables healthy mental outlooks.
As I tell the team, I am a fan of fast swimming. One of core our philosophies is a strong work ethic. I will challenge them to push their limits. During the season, I write practices to improve all the little things while expecting strong effort across the board all the time. This idea of holding them to high standards is not counter to supporting them mentally; in fact, it is empowering. There is no better feeling than watching a swimmer at any level achieve something not only they have not done before, but something they never thought they could do. That face – we all know it, or least I hope we do – means everything. And improves mental health exponentially.
In short, supporting mental health is a necessity, part of the process of developing resilient women that know their worth and are confident to go after whatever they want. The time and effort will be worth it.
Good luck to all of you this season!!